The Ideal Gift

Picking a gift for a girl is a tricky thing. The ideal gift achieves a delicate balance between cliché and commitment, thoughtfulness and humour. I have been asked by this friend of mine (which she blatantly denied later) to get her a gift from ‘down under’...and I am in a soup since then!

Let me illustrate my point. If your gift is too fancy, she could (read WILL) assume you're getting serious. An expensive present is almost as big a deal as a big rock on a ring. On the other hand, if it's too frivolous, she might assume you don't care at all. There is this whole cynical 'we're too good for this gift’ school of thought, extremely popular.

Well…what the gift should be? And then there's the cardinal question of originality. What do you get someone where everyone's rushing to get candy? If it’s a chocolate, then the girl goes like this…ohhh noo…yet another chocolate pack!! There is no originality. Somehow everyone from a foreign land would get few packs of chocolates. It used to be easy in earlier days when chocolates were still considered original. Not anymore! I know the gals who would otherwise die for chocolates but would not accept this as a gift if you are coming from abroad. They’ll eat the chocolates and say, “Okay, so, where’s my gift?” I wonder if chocolates were just a foreplay!!

The greeting card stores have jumped on virtually every idea, added sugar syrup, and marketed it for an exorbitant price. If you have thought of skipping chocolates and are going for a greeting card instead, believe me, you were better off not reading my blog. Greeting cards are worse!! The thumb rule is if you have to think about what gift to buy for this gal, greeting cards were never a good idea to start with. No, don’t ask why. No, don’t even think again! You would know that you have to buy a greeting card when you have to buy a greeting card.

It's very hard to come up with something interesting, and yet not go over the top. I was going through a website for gift suggestions and this is what I found. This Year's Tip: Don't even think Swarovski. That's just so 2001!! This is the problem with the websites or any other media on gift suggestions; they would always tell you what not to buy but never tell you what to buy. This makes things harder for you coz everyone has read it. Now, even your gal knows what’s so 2001!!

You must take care that anything you buy should not have designs of sports, gadgets, motor cycles, cars, nude gals, animals, violence….makes it too masculine. A couple of jabs at the pink (never go red) hearts are fine, but any more would make her think - is he just overcompensating? Or is he too cheap to take me out? Recall those ‘dil-shape waale balloon’ from our bollywood flick - Dil Chahta Hai.

Flowers? Hah. How cornball can you get? Roses are a strict no-no, say the skeptics, but 24 of the long-stemmed will have most of them swooning. It's the biggest cliché in the book, though, so be careful who you try it on. You must know that each colour has a different meaning, so don’t just go ahead with your favourite color. Think twice before you go with Red. Must you go with flowers, try my personal favourite Orchids. There is not much knowledge about Orchids yet in the female community. This is always the best strategy to go with a solution which client (herein, your girl) has least information about. You always have a leverage to change your solution as per your girl’s reaction.

Garments?? You can’t buy that unless she is your gf, getting the right size is a big factor. Even if she is your gf, buying a garment is always a risky business. If you get the right size it doesn’t lead you anywhere, but if you get even an inch here and there, you are definitely on your way to the nearest exit. Then there is this whole range of associated problems – color, design, style, fabric, brand etc etc. Before you go for garment shopping, I’ll advise that not buying a gift is always an option. I may sound cheap to you now, but we’ll talk once you start your perfect garment hunt.

A book? As a gift to a girl? Really, could you be any less romantic?
A movie? She's a girl, dude. DVDs are not her thing.
Music? Like what, Guns n Roses? And don't go anywhere near Jagjit Singh.
PC games or board games? I think it’s the last time she would talk to you after getting this gift. Imagine gifting Snakes and Ladders, haha…or your childhood favourite Monopoly!!
X-box or Playstation? Not even if she is blind.

Did I say the ideal gift achieves a delicate balance between cliche and commitment, thoughtfulness and humour?? ….which basically means there is nothing called an ideal gift!!

See my point. Suggestions?


PS – However, if your girl is classy and knows fashion, you can always get away with gifting a luxury brand perfume (only flowery or fresh fragrance, never go for sweet). It worked for me…at least for the first time!!